Why Your Partner’s Ex Might Still Be Winning (And How to Change That)

The Unseen Rivalry

You thought you won. You’re the one holding the title—"Current Partner"—but somehow, their ex is still playing an invisible role in your relationship. They may not be physically present, but their name lingers in conversations, their habits still influence your partner, and their shadow hovers over your love life like an unpaid bill.

Let’s get real—if your partner’s ex still has emotional real estate in their mind, you’re not fully winning. So, how do you change that? How do you make sure you’re not in a relationship with three people (you, your partner, and their past love)? Let’s break it down.

Signs That Their Ex Is Still ‘Winning’

1. They Mention Their Ex More Than Necessary

If their ex’s name pops up in every casual conversation—whether you’re watching a movie, discussing life plans, or even just eating dinner—you might have a problem. You’re dating them, not their history book.

2. They Still Follow Their Ex’s Life Closely

If your partner knows what their ex had for breakfast because they keep checking their Instagram stories, that’s a red flag waving at you like an overenthusiastic airport marshal.

3. They Compare You to Their Ex

“You’re so much better than them” sounds like a compliment until you realize you’re still being measured against them. Whether it’s positive or negative, comparisons indicate that their ex is still the yardstick.

4. They Defend Their Ex Too Much

If you casually joke about their ex being toxic and your partner turns into a defense attorney, Houston, we have a problem.

5. They Still Keep in Touch (Too Often)

A little casual chat now and then is fine, but if they still text daily, meet up frequently, or give ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ messages, you’re not in a normal relationship. You’re in a relationship with an emotional third wheel.

Why Does This Happen?

Before you assume your partner is still in love with their ex, let’s explore some reasons why people struggle to fully let go of past relationships:

• Unfinished Business: If the breakup wasn’t fully processed, there might still be lingering emotional attachment.
• Guilt Factor: Some people hold onto past lovers because they feel guilty about how things ended.
• Nostalgia & Selective Memory: The mind has a funny way of forgetting the bad parts and romanticizing the good ones.
• Emotional Dependency: If their ex played a big role in their self-worth, they might struggle to detach completely.

How to Flip the Script & Become the ‘Winning Partner’

1. Establish Your Presence (Without Being Insecure)

The goal isn’t to get into an unnecessary competition but to remind your partner why you’re the one they’re with now. Be confident in your role—don’t beg for validation, just live in a way that makes them see why you’re their best choice.

2. Call Out the Problem (Calmly & Directly)

Ignoring it won’t make it disappear. At some point, you need to have the conversation. Something like:

"Hey, I’ve noticed your ex comes up in conversations a lot. I respect your past, but I don’t want to feel like I’m sharing my relationship with them. Do you think we should talk about this?"

Approach it maturely, without making accusations.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Your partner shouldn’t have to erase their past, but they should also respect the present. Some necessary boundaries include:
✅ No unnecessary meetups
✅ No excessive social media stalking
✅ No emotional over-sharing with the ex

These aren’t about control—they’re about respect.

4. Upgrade the Relationship Experience

Let’s be real: The best way to outshine their ex is to make sure the relationship with you is significantly better. How?

• Be fun, unpredictable, and engaging.
• Strengthen your emotional connection so they no longer seek nostalgia.
• Create better memories that overshadow the past ones.

5. If They’re Not Letting Go, You Might Need To

Here’s the truth—some people just refuse to move on. No matter how much love you pour into the relationship, if they’re still emotionally invested in their ex, you’ll always feel like an extra in their movie.

If they can’t let go, maybe you should. You deserve someone who’s fully present with you, not halfway stuck in their past.

To wrap up

Your relationship isn’t a competition, but if your partner’s ex is still getting too much attention, it’s time to shift the focus back to you. You’re not here to be a substitute teacher in someone else’s love story—you’re the main event.

Communicate, set boundaries, and if all else fails—remind them that the past is meant to stay in the past before walking away. Always remember that you deserve the best.